Day 9: Mother Jacker!

Topic: The genre of Science Fiction is a rich and interesting one where the only rules that apply (typically) are the laws of physics. Galaxies can stretch as far as the imagination, motivations can be as vast and varied as black holes, and characters can come in the most extreme shapes, sizes, cultures, and tongues. One of the fantatic things about science fiction writing is the opportunity to create an entire society from scratch, including one of my favorite parts of culture: its forbidden words.

Here is a list from io9.com of the 10 best scifi curse words. #1 deserves its place because I have heard people using the word (correctly) who have never watched an episode of BSG in their lives.

1. Frak (v.), Battlestar Galactica
2. Frell (v.), Farscape
3. Gorram (adj.), Firefly
4. Shazbot (n.), Mork & Mindy
5. Poodoo (n.), Star Wars
6. Smeg (n.), Red Dwarf
7. Farathoom (n.), Don’t Bite The Sun
8. Shock (v.), Spiderman 2099
9. “I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle” (v.), The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
10. Smurf (v.), The Smurfs
from the site: Setting aside the vast lexicon of Klingon curse words (and my opinion of same), it’s a respectable list. Still the inclusion of smurf may be stretching the point–both as a swear word and as science fiction–though that’s hardly the strangest use of smurf I’ve come across. Did they miss any good ones?


So, have at it. Write a brief conversation between scifi characters with at least 2 curse words that you make up.

Ness
Brun? Has anyone seen Brun?

Grey
No. Sorry. Did you check in the hack room?

Ness
Yeah. He’s not there.

(Knock. Knock. Knock.)

Ness
Hey, Cha. Have you seen ….
What the jack? What the jack is going on here?

Brun
Look, Ness. It’s not what you think?

Ness
It’s not what I think? Gloob snobbet, Brun. What the jack else could it be? There’s not a whole lot of things that could be going on here.
Cha, do you have anything to say for yourself?

Cha
Uh, no. This is between you two.

Ness
Well, not anymore. It looks like you’ve done a jackin’ swell job getting yourself fully involved.

Cha
Ness, calm down. Let’s just talk about this.

Ness
Cha, you better back the jack up. I’m not in the mood for you.

Cha
Wait a minute! You’re the one that came barging into my bunk!

Ness
To see if you knew where my husband was. Not to find you jacking him!
Gloob snobbit, Brun! How could you do this to me? And with CHA???

Brun
Hey, now. Wait a minute.

Ness
Do not tell me you are defending her!

Brun
No. Baby, just listen.

Cha
BABY? You’re calling her BABY now? I though you were leaving her.

Brun
Cha stay out of it.

Cha
JACK YOU!

Ness
Looks like you’ve already done that!
!
Brun
Ness, let’s go back to our bunk and talk about this.

Ness
No jacking way. I want you to explain yourself right here in front of your new lover. We may as well air all our dirty laundry right jacking here. I mean if you’re going to leave me for her, she deserves to hear what she’s getting herself into. Right?

Brun
Ness, you’re overreacting.

Ness
OVERRACTING? You’re jacking around on me. How could I be overrating?

Cha
Really, Ness. Calm down.

Ness
You shut the jack up. I’ll let you know when it’s time for you to chime in.
(click, click)
Alright, Brun. Let’s here it! What have you got to say for yourself?

Brun
Whoa! Ness! Put the gun down. Put… the gun….down.

Ness
No, Brun. Let’s jacking here it. How long has this been going on?
HOW LONG?

Brun
Only a couple of months.

Ness
MONTHS? MONTHS? Are you kidding me?
You’ve been jacking her for months?

Brun
Well, not exactly. Not just her.

Ness
What?

Cha
WHAT? You’ve been jacking around on me, too?

Ness
Cha, sit the jack down and shut up!
How many others?

Brun
Twelve altogether. Well, not together.

Ness
TWELVE!?!?!
ARE YOU JACKING KIDDING ME?
TWELVE?!?!?

Brun
Ness, listen. We can work this out.

Ness
WORK THIS OUT, YOU MOTHER JACKER!!!

(BANG!)